I thought I was strong. After all, I meditate, make time to relax and rejuvenate and generally look after myself. I surround myself with people who are positive and spiritual. And I don’t watch the news. With all of these things I still find fear creeping into my thoughts and my visions of the future.
Sometimes I don’t realize it’s there until I wonder why I am crying and fretful. I live in a place where the gov’t has much control over what happens during these times. I have to show a health app and wear a mask to go to any shops, even for groceries. Heaven help me if my phone dies. I have to go home.
I have to confess in many ways I am feeling trapped and controlled and if I am not on my guard the fear gets in the cracks and tries to highjack my joy. Where I work there is a lot of fear, uncertainty about the future. I found myself joining in the fear and taking it home with me. And it can grow into a full blown depressive episode.
My thoughts would be that my future was doomed-wearing a mask for the rest of my life and I couldn’t face living that way. I had to stop myself and say “What do I want in this moment?” To live in this fear? NO!! I want to live in peace and happiness and health. I want to go outside and feel the breeze on my face. I want to be with those I love without having any kind of health permission to travel.
It is truly all about the now. None of those “bad” things have happened. In this moment all is good. I had/have to train my mind to think about all that is good and true and lovely. And embracing the spirit of love and power, not fear. If my thoughts truly create my reality then I had best get a grip on those thoughts I want to be true – thoughts of love, freedom, health, happiness. So that thing that I find the hardest to do each day is leave the fear. Leave it. Leave it and make a conscious choice to replace it with thoughts of love, joy, peace.
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